One of the seniors was telling us that many of the students in CS have strong interest in Politics, especially the Journalism students. I happen to be an exception. I admit, I am politically apathetic. Bad, very bad, one of the problems with Singaporean teenagers - I am sorry I am contributing to this bad phenomenon. As Michelle once pointed out, I am "self-centered" and I agree totally. My interest lies mainly in the people and things and happenings around me, in my immediate surrounding. I care about stuff I can be directly involved with and relate to. 换言之，我十分重视直接参与感与联系感。Although politics is something which will affect the lives of every single person, somehow I just never really relate to it. I guess it's time I start thinking about it. I need to be more versatile and venture beyond the 3 S's - Social School Stars.

I am always taking on the role of a silent observer and not an active participant, and being very comfortable and happy with this. As much as observation is indeed important as a journalist, I foresee this to be a possibly significant problem to me in the near future. I am sometimes afraid to ask questions, afraid to probe, afraid to offend. I am too afraid of every single thing and currently still lacking the courage to overcome these fears.

I am afraid to ask, afraid that my questions will be stupid, afraid I will not get a satisfactory answer, eventually resorting to assumptions, which are likely to turn out wrong. I think, and I do hope and pray, that my 5-month internship experience has done something to improve the situation. I am still too used to letting people do the asking while I observe at the sidelines.

Digging. It is part of the job of a journalist, as we mentioned in the introduction of our performance, to dig for stories. We ask, we probe, we discover. Honestly, I am afraid to probe. I am afraid of asking too much, venturing too far, probing too deep, invading too much privacy. I find it difficult to gauge the limit of probing and I feel embarrassed when it seems to me that I am probing too deep. I forget, that it is my job to probe and find out what is not known.

I remember I didn't use to be like this. I used to ask a lot [not academic questions, not in class], probe a lot for scandals, but somehow I learnt the Golden Rule, the Ethic of Reciprocity: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." Vice-versa. I stopped probing.

I am afraid to offend, definitely. I am afraid of conflicts and I do try to avoid them as best as I can, to the extent of hiding my thoughts and opinions to suit others. Sometimes it's cuz I think too much and I assume people might too.

I am in need of a proper transformation...

Anyway, I need to start working on financial management. When you do not have much money, you need to manage whatever you have well. When you have money, you have to manage them well so that they do not deplete in a blink of the eye. I hope I practise what I preach. =)

。尋找中@23:11