How ironic is it that I've been doing publicity and journalism, both of which involve people, yet I shun social interaction...

I wasn't bluffing during my scholarship interview when I said I like to talk to people! I'm perfectly fine with strangers. However, with people whom I'll get to see often (maybe not even "often", just "again"), I won't feel as comfortable.

I don't socialize to get to know people better. I socialize with people cuz I know them well enough. For things like Huang Cheng gathering, I won't go if my closer friends are not going, even if I know the other people as well. For Chron, it's like I just don't know anyone that well, except maybe Tiffany or Jianyue or Soon Kiat. Even then, I'm not as close to them as I am to people like Jing Ting, Shiyan, Fan Di, Simin etc.

In fact, the only people I'm perfectly fine with are Audrey, Fonping, Michelle, Hui-Min etc. We don't have to worry about not having things to talk about. Maybe that's cuz I don't get to see them often, so I can simply spend time with them catching up, getting all the news I'm missing out on. I like to know what's happening to them, I want to know what's going on in their lives, especially for people whose blogs are dormant.

Haha I was talking to Shiyan about this and I realize we are really similar on this issue. Sometimes it's like, I may want to know more about this person, but I don't know if this person gives a heck about me. For all I know, the person just won't remember me anymore if I stay away long enough. When people talk to me, I'll reply. If you are willing to talk, I'm willing to share. Honestly, I appreciate it when people randomly talk to me, be it in person or on MSN. As long as you are not too random. Haha.

Sometimes it's not that I don't want to talk to people, it's just difficult to gauge the degree of self-disclosure and how much to probe into their lives. Sometimes, it's not that I want to ignore people or don't want to say Hi, I just don't know if the person noticed me or even remembers me, or if I mean enough for the person to spare a little attention to acknowledge my existence. I just don't know.

And I'm almost sure Yuan X. means it when he told me he didn't know who I am, after 2 years taking the same bus to and from school and being in the same elective programme with a total of about 80 people. Given how I always run away or ignore him whenever he's around, it will be a miracle if he did know who I am.

I just don't know anything at all.

。尋找中@21:48